she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
