he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
