Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
two words: eviction party
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
