Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
