thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
