Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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