Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
