I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
