do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
