sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
