how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
