drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
