I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
