Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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