I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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