then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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