I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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