my phone needs a breathalizer
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
