Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
