I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
