I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
