i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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