My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
