He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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