I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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