...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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