I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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