I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
