Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
