I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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