some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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