Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
