I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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