i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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