it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
