Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
