I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Someone shattered a urinal.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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