Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
