She is in my trunk
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
