It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
