it wasn't lemon gatorade
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
