I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
