She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i think i just lost a toe
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
