Michael Bay diarrhea
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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