I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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