for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
