but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
