Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
