Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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