Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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