sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
