DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
