I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
